Humorous Speeches including mine on learning languages (James Cook uni)

I was invited to give the test speech for evaluators at a humorous speech evening held by the Toastmasters club at James Cook university in Singapore. (Nearest MRT Aljuniad.) I spent the afternoon preparing a speech on the joys of learning other languages. The format of the evening was two humorous speeches, my test speech and two evaluations, plus table topics, impromptu speeches. Of the two humorous speeches presented by members, I shall always remember the one by an American who claimed he did not support either Hilary Clinton nor Donald Trump. He said that Donald Trump wanted to build a wall between America and Mexico and the Chinese know that doesn't work because they built the Great Wall to keep out the Mongols and then the Mongols took over. The Other speech by Ethan Defabulous was about how he wanted to be a Disney Princess, who filed her nails whilst everybody else, animal and human, wielded brooms doing all the housework, and seven little dwarfs ran around her catering to every whim. My semi-humorous speech started by saying I'd wanted to learn Chinese but was discouraged by people who claimed Singaporeans all spoke English, but they didn't tell me that Singaporeans spoke Singlish. I bought several books on Signalise. (I held up a book on Singlish.) My first anecdote was about: " a shop assistant told me to White Here. I thought maybe whites had a separate area and I was puzzled. Until she thanked me for whiting." My second anecdote was about: I previously lived in America. You might think English people would have no trouble in America. I understand that autumn is fall and so do most people. " America and Britain being separated by a common language, English." In America I asked an assistant in a supermarket for a rubber. I was told to try a drug store (which in England would be a chemist.) Afterwards I spotted a rubber and pointed this out to the assistant. I asked her what she called it. She said it was an eraser. Rubbers are items sold in the drug store. (Hands up who understands what they are?) If you can't guess what they are, ask me later - or other members of the audience will tell you." The only word of Chinese I learned recently was from a Toastmasters meeting which was bilingual Chinese and English. I knew the greeting Nee How was how are you. At the meeting I heard the convener asking the audience questions to which they replied how. Later they explained that how meant good. So now I know how to say 'how' which is Good. I decided Spanish would be easier than Chinese and took up learning languages on Duolingo. My husband recognises the Greek alphabet from mathematics, the signs of Pi and Theta. In Athens on holiday I learned two words, X and D - exit on the airplane was marked exodus, like the bible, and the word Athens on the gantry overhead for miles as me drove out of Athens and back taught me theta. Duo lingo didn't have Greek but it had Russian and Hebrew so I thought I'd try both. I managed to download the alphabets. The trouble is that although the letters appear when you type the keys, you don't know which key they are under. If you want a P in russian or an H in Hebrew the only way to find it is to run your finger along all three lines of keys and then delete all the letters except the one you want. Very tedious and time consuming. So I sent off for stickers, which are printed, guess where? Russia? No.Israel? No. China. Russian and Hebrew Alphabet stickers, are printed in China. (I held up the stickers.) The stickers are wonderful. The only trouble is, if you put the Russian and English sticker on, you still can't do your daily exercise in Hebrew. And vice versa. However, learning languages is always fun. I enjoy learning languages, every day on the MRT station after mind the gap in English which I understand, and the same in Chinese, which I still don't understand, I hear the Malay ending t e r i m a k a s i. So I can end my speech with thank you in Malay, t e r m i m a k a s i h. My evaluator Anil gave the helpful suggestion that I could keep my props in the pockets of my photographer's jacket, instead of on the table which meant a delay whilst I walked over to pick them up and replace them. My other evaluator was under the impression that she was supposed to give a humorous evaluation and this made her hesitate a couple of times whilst she tried to think of something funny to say. If you cannot think of anything funny for a speech or evaluation, just talk on and hope something funny will emerge. What did I learn from this meeting? Regarding my speech: I should have structured my speech more clearly, with a summary as part of the introduction and ending. I should have made a clearer answer to what's in it for the listener, such as the BBC article I read a day later confirming previous research that people who are bilingual do not suffer from Alzheimer's until five years later than non linguistic. I should also have made a clearer call to action, getting the audience to stand or write or shout their agreement or promise to take action. Regarding running a Toastmasters meeting: What I liked: A humorous evening in which the speeches are humorous and members of the audience are asked to tall a joke. Everyone, every speaker, meeting chair, should carry two or three jokes in their pocket, either as a time filler, or to insert into a speech. Table Topics The table topics were following the theme of sell yourself at an interview. Volunteers were asked to sell the characters shown. It sounded like a good idea. They should have started with an experienced toastmaster who could waffles through anything. Or a demo by the Topics Master. I could have sold Humpty Dumpty, talking about the qualities of a boiled egg, how to crack it, the nutrition. I was given a b l o b with two big eyes. The eyes were the obvious talking point. I said: The obvious feature of this character is the eyes, the windows of the s o u l, and big eyes which look you in the eye are so appealing. He's so cute. He's been adopted as mascot of a local football club. Unfortunately, looking closer, you can see he has a squint. I think we should fix this. Our health service in Singapore is excellent and can fix this. It will cost a lot of money. He's an orphan and has no money. So we should start a go fund me page. I hope you will all give generously. I know you are kind people and I'm sure you will. Other people ate sting topics had hesitated, hummed and ummed and ahed. The secret is to keep talking confidently and enthusiastically. The lesson is that if the volunteers don't understand, don't explain to them privately because the audience lose interest and talk amongst themselves. The next volunteers still doesn't know. Talk into the microphone or to the whole audience. Some to the visitors sat on both sides of a table so that some had their back to the stage which encouraged them to talk to each other and not notice when speakers on stage started. The TME could move chairs forward, or make sure all the audience face forward.All in all, an interesting and educational evening. I was given a small gift of cosmetics, which I liked very much, for being test speaker, as well as winning the ribbon for best table topic. James Cook Uni 2016 Aug 18 Thursday (3rd in month) Angela Lansbury, ACG, CL. (Advanced Communicator Gold, Competent Leader.)

Harrovians Speeches on A Wake Up Call and a Boring Presentation

President Seema welcomed us with a motivational story about how Mr Honda suffered several setbacks to his business, from 1938 onwards, including a bombed production line during WWII, and an earthquake. The lack of gasoline (petrol) for cars led to his motorising a bicycle which he turned into a motorbike. He hired out bikes to others, changed the bikes from heavy, functional items for enthusiasts into lights bikes for the public, and went on to found a company which now employs 100,000 people in both Japan and the USA.

I understood: The moral is persist with your dream and concentrate on your goal, or choose another goal and persist with that one. Seema adds: "The moral of my story - make a decision and stick to the goal. The only thing that is dynamic is the process or means to achieve this goal."

TME's Theme
Jayanthiny was Toastmaster of the Evening, a role recently given the updated name of Event Organiser. She had devised a theme question for speakers on stage to answer: What have you learned from last year, especially in Toastmasters but also outside Toastmasters.

Timing with red, yellow and red scarves
 As timekeeper, getting ready to go to Toastmasters, I had thought of demonstrating the lights with three coloured cards, red, yellow and green.

Then I decided to wear a red scarf. I thought that although red is my colour, which suits me, and is stimulating, perhaps as timer I should wear an encouraging green scarf rather than red. I put on the green, leaving on the red, reluctant to remove it, then decided to add yellow or orange to demonstrate all the traffic light colours.

I demonstrated by waving the scarves in turn. (See the next post on scarves to demonstrate coloured lights for timing, on video.)

Timing Using Clocks
When I sat down my phone had been used to take a video which you can see on my next post. The Topics Master stood up and I started to time by using the clock, which might work if you have a clock with a second hand, or are timing a long speech over five minutes, but not sufficiently accurate when you have a clock without a second hand, the clock is the other side of the room and out of focus. However, with Ruth's help, we were soon back on track. That is why it is so useful to have two timekeepers, especially in competitions where one timer has the deciding vote on whether a speaker is within time.

Good Grammar
Grammarian, Indra, had prepared the word salubrious, meaning healthy, from the Latin. He had three copies of the word on different walls. As GE Sanjay remarked we often have two words, but three is unusual.

Topic - sports
Spellchecker or autocorrect on this website wanted to turn the next speaker's name to viper so I shall spell it out with gaps.

V i p u l ' s topics were on the theme of sports. I was talking to Martina a guest, and wrote down her name in case I needed to name her when describing the times of table topics speakers. I found out that she came from Prague and her hobbies were two kinds of sports, including yoga and running.

 Finding that she was willing to be a table topics speaker, I called over the topics master to ask her if she wanted to do a speech. She asked if she could know the topic in advance. The topic is usually a surprise. He said he could tell her the topic was sport.

We don't often tell guests, not even visitors, the topic, just find out about them and pick a topic we think they could answer. However, this seemed a good chance to encourage a wavering speaker.
She won the ribbon for best topic speaker. Seema is on the left of the picture, Martina on the right, the club banner in the middle.

Martina won table topics with a speech on running. V i p u l told us his passion was cricket. Indra was challenged to explain how we would act as referee and his answer was diplomatic. Sanjay was asked to speak about technology and enthused about how technology befitted everything including Toastmasters. Warren enthused about how Toastmasters was reinventing itself with new manuals every ten years.

How to Use the Timer
As timekeeper I had expected to be provided with a stopwatch. When none was placed on the table, I rushed back to find the overtime bells but did not find the timer.

Ruth showed me how to use the timer on my mobile phone. You select the clock (by looking for the clock icon or picture).  Assuming you have a touch screen, choose the 'lap' mode by tapping on the word lap. Then press 'start'' and the numbers at the top of the screen start increasing. You have three pairs of numbers, minutes and seconds. When the speaker finished you tap on stop. Write down the time in minutes and seconds before you tap the 'reset button or icon.

If you forget to press the stop button, you will have to deduct the previous speaker's time from the new time total.

Using my phone as a timer prevented me from using the phone as a camera.

The first prepared speech by Thulasi was entitled A Wake-up Call. She told us how hearing that only ten percent of Toastmasters members completed the first ten speeches of the manual was a reminder that she should do so by the end of the year and how she vowed to complete her manual. She had learned that the system is flexible. You do not have to do the ten speeches in order. She had jumped to number 9, the persuasive speech, as it suited her topic of motivating us, acting as a wake up call to encourage us to finish our manual by the end of the Toastmasters' International year in June 2016.

Succinct Speech by Alex
The second speech by Alex was succinct. He had enthusiastically started his speech without receiving the instruction manual in time to craft a longer speech. But he gave us all the essentials about his job and his family, leaving us wanting to hear more about his interesting work in osteopathy, helping keep people and their bones healthy.

Warren's Successful Evaluation of a Short Speech
Alex's evaluator Warren cleverly said that Alex's brevity was both the source of a commend and a recommend. Warren amusingly said that on a first date Alex would be a great success, not talking non-stop and interminably about himself, like most people do. In real life nobody lets you speak for more than four minutes (without interrupting). A good listener doesn't bore you by talking for more than four minutes. A good listener is always adding value in Toastmasters' meetings and in daily life.

Warren also give a fascinating analysis of a speech. A joke, he said, does not have a conclusion, but a speech has a conclusion. If you do not reach a conclusion, you have (a joke or story but) no speech.

Warren has improved his humour to stunning heights. Where once he would damn with faint praise and sarcasm, bringing people down, he now uses his humour to be insightful, original and encouraging.

I think it would be useful to have a policy that when a novice speaker does not reach the minimum time the TME/Topics Master or audience should help by turning the remaining time into a Q and A session. I have seen this done successful at table topics sessions when an experienced TME helps a tongue-tied speaker. It's also the technique used by the Chairman when a speaker invited to give a one hour talk finishes early. The paid members expect to be given a one hour talk and the hotel has not yet got the tea ready. So the chairman has a few prepared questions. This helps and encourages the speaker to expand and use the extra available time to gain greater goodwill by giving an increased amount of information or additional stories to entertain the audience.

Sushil's Entertaining Speech on How Not To Be Boring
Sushil's talk entitled 'The Boring Presentation' started with asking us all to be silent and then say what we felt about the silence. Bored? Tired? Distracted?

Sushil said when bored we relive our autobiographical memory. Seeking excitement has a role in evolution.

Some people are easily excited. But some need more stimulation than others. Stimulation provides motivation and inspiration.

The call to action was introducing elements into our lives and speeches to keep our own attention and that of the audience. Methods might include challenges and problems to solve, variety, change.

Sushil won the best speaker ribbon. Ruth won the evaluator ribbon. She praised Sushil for his sophistication in using Powerpoint in a speech and his daring in asking for a minute of silence.

Guests
Before the break guests were welcomed and asked to introduce themselves and say a few words about why they had come to a Toastmasters Meeting and what they thought about it so far. We were pleased to welcome back two members we had not seen for some time, Maxine Allison, a former member, and Lola, plus newcomer Martina, Zara, and Pradip.

At teatime break in addition to the usual selection of assorted plain and chocolate biscuits, and Seema had brought back from Dubai a box of dates to share with everybody. Everybody was having such a great time talking that ringing the bells, in my role as timer, succeeded in summoning only half of them. In order to get them all back into their seats to keep the meeting to time I was obliged to turn the lights on and off.

Ruth is presented with a ribbon for the best evaluator.

President Seema, CC, ALB, presented the ribbons.

General Evaluation from Sanjay

Sanjay was General Evaluator and praised all the evaluators as well as coming out with points of his own, such as suggesting that evaluators should suggest action which could be taken to solve problems. For example, using a spell check to check slides. (In this case, as Sushil ruefully admitted, spell checker would not have caught bor-e-ing which is a legitimate spelling of a different type of action to boring.) Sanjay commended me for my original use of props, scarves as timers. 

Meeting Manager's Actions - Phoning Before The Meeting! 

I wrote in Jayanthiny's Leadership manual evaluating her role as TME/ meeting manager. I was stunned to see how the new title reflect the new responsibility of the former TME, who no longer simply links one speaker to the next. The manual clearly states that the evaluator must mark the Meeting Manager on whether they have briefed the evaluators in how they should communicate with the speakers. 

Essentially it is a chain of command from the 'TME' through evaluators to speakers, before the meeting, ensuring that the speakers are prepared and will actually turn up to the meeting. This advance delegation of chasing saves the TME from the embarrassment of last minute changes to the programme when speakers arrive late, without manuals, or forget, don't rehearse the speech and fail to turn up at all! 

Jayanthiny was really pleased to have learned from my evaluation, and my going through the manual explaining why I could not give her top marks for one item.  She was delighted to get help in the role, even though I could not give her full marks for doing something neither of us had previously realised were in the manual as part of the role. 

Her enthusiasm rubbed off on me. I was also very happy to see a sharp reminder of how preparing in advance is part of the system set down by the time-conscious Americans. (It was done in the early days of the Harrovians club but over the years we had become more casual and forgotten.) 

Ruth gave a lift home to two members including Lola who hopes to pass a driving test next month which will enable her to attend more meetings.

Next Harrovians Speakers' meeting as usual is a Monday, Jan 18th 2016. VPE Sanjay filled some of the speaking slots and roles for the next meeting but you still have an opportunity to pick your favourite from the website.

Mentors

Seema is mentoring Jayanthiny. Angela is to mentor Alex.

Dates for your diary:

Meetings every month, first third and sometime fifth Monday of each month except when bank holidays fall on a Monday. In those months in see club calendar on the Easy Speak website. Alternatively check through Toastmasters International Find A Club. To be sure the website is up to date, double check by emailing a club committee member through the Easyspeak website.  Harrovians also has a Facebook page

International Speech Contest and Evaluation Contest is in February. 

 on Monday 15th 2016. The winners of both contests will be in the Area Contest in February or March. 

Newsletter report by Angela Lansbury CL, ACG.