Humorous Speeches including mine on learning languages (James Cook uni)

I was invited to give the test speech for evaluators at a humorous speech evening held by the Toastmasters club at James Cook university in Singapore. (Nearest MRT Aljuniad.) I spent the afternoon preparing a speech on the joys of learning other languages. The format of the evening was two humorous speeches, my test speech and two evaluations, plus table topics, impromptu speeches. Of the two humorous speeches presented by members, I shall always remember the one by an American who claimed he did not support either Hilary Clinton nor Donald Trump. He said that Donald Trump wanted to build a wall between America and Mexico and the Chinese know that doesn't work because they built the Great Wall to keep out the Mongols and then the Mongols took over. The Other speech by Ethan Defabulous was about how he wanted to be a Disney Princess, who filed her nails whilst everybody else, animal and human, wielded brooms doing all the housework, and seven little dwarfs ran around her catering to every whim. My semi-humorous speech started by saying I'd wanted to learn Chinese but was discouraged by people who claimed Singaporeans all spoke English, but they didn't tell me that Singaporeans spoke Singlish. I bought several books on Signalise. (I held up a book on Singlish.) My first anecdote was about: " a shop assistant told me to White Here. I thought maybe whites had a separate area and I was puzzled. Until she thanked me for whiting." My second anecdote was about: I previously lived in America. You might think English people would have no trouble in America. I understand that autumn is fall and so do most people. " America and Britain being separated by a common language, English." In America I asked an assistant in a supermarket for a rubber. I was told to try a drug store (which in England would be a chemist.) Afterwards I spotted a rubber and pointed this out to the assistant. I asked her what she called it. She said it was an eraser. Rubbers are items sold in the drug store. (Hands up who understands what they are?) If you can't guess what they are, ask me later - or other members of the audience will tell you." The only word of Chinese I learned recently was from a Toastmasters meeting which was bilingual Chinese and English. I knew the greeting Nee How was how are you. At the meeting I heard the convener asking the audience questions to which they replied how. Later they explained that how meant good. So now I know how to say 'how' which is Good. I decided Spanish would be easier than Chinese and took up learning languages on Duolingo. My husband recognises the Greek alphabet from mathematics, the signs of Pi and Theta. In Athens on holiday I learned two words, X and D - exit on the airplane was marked exodus, like the bible, and the word Athens on the gantry overhead for miles as me drove out of Athens and back taught me theta. Duo lingo didn't have Greek but it had Russian and Hebrew so I thought I'd try both. I managed to download the alphabets. The trouble is that although the letters appear when you type the keys, you don't know which key they are under. If you want a P in russian or an H in Hebrew the only way to find it is to run your finger along all three lines of keys and then delete all the letters except the one you want. Very tedious and time consuming. So I sent off for stickers, which are printed, guess where? Russia? No.Israel? No. China. Russian and Hebrew Alphabet stickers, are printed in China. (I held up the stickers.) The stickers are wonderful. The only trouble is, if you put the Russian and English sticker on, you still can't do your daily exercise in Hebrew. And vice versa. However, learning languages is always fun. I enjoy learning languages, every day on the MRT station after mind the gap in English which I understand, and the same in Chinese, which I still don't understand, I hear the Malay ending t e r i m a k a s i. So I can end my speech with thank you in Malay, t e r m i m a k a s i h. My evaluator Anil gave the helpful suggestion that I could keep my props in the pockets of my photographer's jacket, instead of on the table which meant a delay whilst I walked over to pick them up and replace them. My other evaluator was under the impression that she was supposed to give a humorous evaluation and this made her hesitate a couple of times whilst she tried to think of something funny to say. If you cannot think of anything funny for a speech or evaluation, just talk on and hope something funny will emerge. What did I learn from this meeting? Regarding my speech: I should have structured my speech more clearly, with a summary as part of the introduction and ending. I should have made a clearer answer to what's in it for the listener, such as the BBC article I read a day later confirming previous research that people who are bilingual do not suffer from Alzheimer's until five years later than non linguistic. I should also have made a clearer call to action, getting the audience to stand or write or shout their agreement or promise to take action. Regarding running a Toastmasters meeting: What I liked: A humorous evening in which the speeches are humorous and members of the audience are asked to tall a joke. Everyone, every speaker, meeting chair, should carry two or three jokes in their pocket, either as a time filler, or to insert into a speech. Table Topics The table topics were following the theme of sell yourself at an interview. Volunteers were asked to sell the characters shown. It sounded like a good idea. They should have started with an experienced toastmaster who could waffles through anything. Or a demo by the Topics Master. I could have sold Humpty Dumpty, talking about the qualities of a boiled egg, how to crack it, the nutrition. I was given a b l o b with two big eyes. The eyes were the obvious talking point. I said: The obvious feature of this character is the eyes, the windows of the s o u l, and big eyes which look you in the eye are so appealing. He's so cute. He's been adopted as mascot of a local football club. Unfortunately, looking closer, you can see he has a squint. I think we should fix this. Our health service in Singapore is excellent and can fix this. It will cost a lot of money. He's an orphan and has no money. So we should start a go fund me page. I hope you will all give generously. I know you are kind people and I'm sure you will. Other people ate sting topics had hesitated, hummed and ummed and ahed. The secret is to keep talking confidently and enthusiastically. The lesson is that if the volunteers don't understand, don't explain to them privately because the audience lose interest and talk amongst themselves. The next volunteers still doesn't know. Talk into the microphone or to the whole audience. Some to the visitors sat on both sides of a table so that some had their back to the stage which encouraged them to talk to each other and not notice when speakers on stage started. The TME could move chairs forward, or make sure all the audience face forward.All in all, an interesting and educational evening. I was given a small gift of cosmetics, which I liked very much, for being test speaker, as well as winning the ribbon for best table topic. James Cook Uni 2016 Aug 18 Thursday (3rd in month) Angela Lansbury, ACG, CL. (Advanced Communicator Gold, Competent Leader.)